So something DID happen today. For me it was big. I knew it was coming, and I was preparing as much as I could but you never can fully prepare yourself for your last session of psychotherapy after a nervous breakdown.
After 10 months of therapy I had my last session with my psychologist this evening. I know I am ready to take the stabilisers off but wow has it been a journey to get here. On the way home from my session I was full of words and feelings and couldn’t wait to get home. I was imagining myself sat in the garden typing my blog post, glass in hand with my music on and the words just pouring out of me so naturally.
So I am sat in the garden, I do have a drink and everything, but the words aren’t as easy. The journey I have taken from my breakdown to now has been a big one, a significant one, and the most impactful one to date. I know it won’t be my last as I am such a believer in keeping your mind healthy, I know I will be back in some shape or form. Part of me wants to tell you every single detail of my psychotherapy experience but part of me feels I don’t need to. You don’t need to know the ins and outs of the gruelling journey I went on or the breakthroughs I had. As I sit her I want to give you something, something big.
I want to give you courage. Take a minute, think about it. Life is a tad daunting isn’t it. Everything you do is really. We take risks everyday. They may not be big but we do. Is there that one thing that is on your mind? That one thing that you just can’t seem to quite get the courage for? It’s been there, every so often triggering some anxiety, disappointment or irritation. For a minute, look at it, imagine it is physical, look all around it, what is it? How is it troubling you? What are the reasons you aren’t tackling it or doing it? What if I said I can guarantee nothing is going to happen. Would you do it then?!
Bravery and courage to step into the light and tackle the demons, or accept you need help is the hardest thing you might ever have to do. But do it. Please. I implore you. Know you are not alone, and know that you have love and support. Be open and honest. If you get shut down then you are talking to the wrong people. Everyone deserves happiness and that starts within. Have the courage to stand up and say “You know what, life is what it is and I am what I am and lets see where we go together”. Don’t buy in to social media’s happy persona’s and the pressure to post a well-lit, super hyped photo and a fab few hashtags. Do what you want to do, do what you love, let YOU decide rather than your facebook feed or friends actions.
I am not sure whether that turned into a rant or not, or even if it was helpful to anyone, but I wanted to put it out in the world. Words can’t quite describe how grateful I am that I was able to go to therapy. I know many don’t, they avoid it as they are scared to open up and feel their true feelings. I am so grateful a tiny bit of me gave me that ray of courage to be brave enough to acknowledge I needed guidance and help. There was a time when I was so afraid, petrified of the world. I thought there was no hope and that I wouldn’t recover, but I did. That was my yesterday. This is my now, my today and my moment. Take yours, it might be a journey you are scared to take, but I am telling you … this side of the journey is spectacular. Come join me xxx
I love you all, thank you so much for everything you have done for me. I couldn’t be more lucky to have the most wonderful group of people around me. Family, Friends, Colleagues, Pets! You all mean the world to me and I couldn’t have done this without you.