Sure enough, I caved and ended up on medication. I knew what was coming. My skin and lips were going to drive me nuts as they would become dry, I would be more tired than partying for 3 days straight and my sex life was going to take a bit of a hit. But I did it. A week ago I started my anti-depressants and now I am on them for at least a few months. I have had these ones before. I know the drill and I know the score.
Its been a tough few weeks if I am honest. Trying to get over the Agoraphobia has been the biggest challenge. Trying to go out by myself. Trying to do things by myself. Its my motivation which is frozen by fear. I have pushed through and burst the anxiety bubble a few times, and I know I can do it. But it is just so warm and comfy here in my little bubble, I like it here. Life is carrying on without me and for someone who suffers from constant FOMO it is oddly alien to want to stay away from everything.
I know I need to get out there and I have been trying. I have just booked dinner with my man in a local nice restaurant. Which means a little bit of make up and a little bit of effort is required. After all, it is a Friday, and I guess it is date night. This is where I need my band of merry animated singing animals to come and whisk me away and dress me.
I am eager for next week to arrive, I have two appointments next week. One with the Psychiatrist and one with the specialist Psychologist. I want them to help me I want to get this show on the road and start improving myself. I am so tired of being limited. So is it just about to get better? I bloody hope so. I certainly don’t think I want to go back to my old crazy party animal self. I am 36. I am done with 6 nights a week drinking. I think it is time I try and reign it in. But staying in all the time. To the point I am petrified to go to work. Come on Vix, that ain’t you.
Lets do this.