And I don’t mean Yorkshire Tea. The T, Keeping it real, Fessing up, what most of us call The TRUTH.
As you grow older friends come and go and your values become stronger in what you want to surround yourself with. One thing that has hit me as I hit the cold north side of my mid 30s is that the truth has become so much more important. And not just in an honesty sense. Realising the truth about other people, my life, my aspirations, and most importantly what is the truth behind why I do or react to something in the way I do.
Since my 2nd breakdown in August last year (and yes I did feel it important to say my 2nd – as my 1st was a WHOLE different story) I have had a number of revelations, this hasn’t just been with my therapy/psychologist, although she has been instrumental in helping me work through and process everything.
We deny ourselves the truth so that we can just cope. So we ignore the truth just so it feels better because society tells us we should be a certain way. If we start asking too many questions and the truth starts seeping out it almost seems wrong or that we are being out of order by seeking another answer to the one we already have. It makes us question ourselves and our own values.
I know for me it is the case. I like to think that I have a true value of who I am and what my values are. Apparently not.
I know who I want to be, and I thought I was, but trusting in my partner and my true friends and family to give me their full opinion was a blessing and a curse. Have you ever had that moment where, you are listening to someone tell you something that you know is completely true, but you just don’t know how to handle it? Almost like you have been pummelled or saturated with so much truth you feel you can barely stand up straight? I crave honesty and truth. I want people to be totally up front with me. I don’t dilly dally with the truth and don’t want others to either. But recently I have had a number of people who I trust and love dearly tell me a few home truths that I don’t know quite how to process. Nothing nasty, all meant with the intention of helping me become better, stronger and more self appreciating person. My psychologist has said that sometimes learning the truth that has been staring at us for years staring takes longer to process and requires more time to settle. Finding that place to stand where you can accept the truth and be comfortable with it. Acceptance being the most important word as most of the time the truth is not what you want to hear or what you want to acknowledge.
She gave me a very good metaphor to remember when I am processing all this. She compared it to a parent who’s child is gay and can’t accept it straight away. At first they want to not accept it is true. They want it all to go away and deny it has happened, they think it is the best thing for them and their child. But then after time, whether it is minutes, days or years they realise that nothing is going to change and the truth however ‘different’ or uncomfortable just has to be accepted however alien to their lives it is. And once it is accepted nothing is the same, but everything is the same. (YES I just contradicted myself) What I mean is that your individual realisation of the truth is different so nothing is the same as it was before, but at the same time, you are the same as you were yesterday and your friends, family, work are the same as you all were yesterday, it is just your realisation that is different. Choosing how to process your realisation is the real task here.
The key thing is time and acceptance. Changing your view to see the actual truth after so many years will be challenging. So time is needed. Needed to help you work out how you will deal with the actual truth, needed to help your mental dust settle so you can start to work out how it will work day to day. The answer to how it is going to work I cannot give you yet. I haven’t been through it yet. If you have the answers let me know, maybe you can help me out.
I value music to help me think and process. Here is my Spotify 2017 Winter Hygge playlist from last year which I always put on when I am feeling thoughtful and in need of headspace.